Dear Zoe, this is very challenging for you. I would be prepared to step in or out of things as your friend can bear or wants, but make it clear to her that you are 100% there when and where it is appropriate for her. Let her be the guide as her capacity allows her. While this may not be enough for you or your needs, be like the shadow puppet of the Balinese puppeteer - you are at the service of the story as it is playing out and that is all you can do at present. May you have the compassion and forebearance needed for such a difficult time on both your lives! MNy blessings. Caitlín
Thank you. I am probably going to write and illustrate a poem for her and send it via snail mail. Just so she has something real from me she can hold in her hands, with no obligation to acknowledge or respond. And then we'll see.
This is very timely for me, as just a couple of days ago a very dear friend - probably my best friend - who is struggling with her body and health right now, has told me she no longer has the energy or bandwidth for a friendship at all. I don't know how to support her without the risk of adding to her burden, as she's made it clear that she doesn't want contact. To me, this feels like something that happened to my cat when he got sick - his instinct was to go out back and languish under a bush, alone and wasting away. I brought him in, hand fed him and nursed him back to health, and then he was fine. Yet how to compare a dear friend with major health issues to my cat under a bush? Do I just let her go? Should she be allowed to waste away alone? I have known her for 50+ years - we have a long, long history. I might add that this whole discussion has been fascinating to me, as I in particular honor Dionysos as the lord of death and rebirth, and he is certainly the god of my Aegean Macedonian ancestors.
Dear Zoe, this is very challenging for you. I would be prepared to step in or out of things as your friend can bear or wants, but make it clear to her that you are 100% there when and where it is appropriate for her. Let her be the guide as her capacity allows her. While this may not be enough for you or your needs, be like the shadow puppet of the Balinese puppeteer - you are at the service of the story as it is playing out and that is all you can do at present. May you have the compassion and forebearance needed for such a difficult time on both your lives! MNy blessings. Caitlín
Thank you. I am probably going to write and illustrate a poem for her and send it via snail mail. Just so she has something real from me she can hold in her hands, with no obligation to acknowledge or respond. And then we'll see.
This is very timely for me, as just a couple of days ago a very dear friend - probably my best friend - who is struggling with her body and health right now, has told me she no longer has the energy or bandwidth for a friendship at all. I don't know how to support her without the risk of adding to her burden, as she's made it clear that she doesn't want contact. To me, this feels like something that happened to my cat when he got sick - his instinct was to go out back and languish under a bush, alone and wasting away. I brought him in, hand fed him and nursed him back to health, and then he was fine. Yet how to compare a dear friend with major health issues to my cat under a bush? Do I just let her go? Should she be allowed to waste away alone? I have known her for 50+ years - we have a long, long history. I might add that this whole discussion has been fascinating to me, as I in particular honor Dionysos as the lord of death and rebirth, and he is certainly the god of my Aegean Macedonian ancestors.